When you talk about someone of an unknown gender, using the wrong pronoun can be offensive, especially if you’re using stereotypes to make a guess (“When you see your doctor, tell him about your rash,” or “Someone left her pink umbrella on the bus”).

This wasn’t the primary reason Merriam-Webster cited for declaring the singular “they” as Word of the Year Tuesday. Rather, this decision was based on the recognition of people who identify as nonbinary, people who are increasingly visible, vocal, mainstream, and impossible to ignore.

As a culture changes, so too must the language.

But using “they” to refer to someone of unknown gender (as opposed to the clunky “he or she”) also applies two key principles of strong language: never alienate your audience, and use the fewest words possible.

Fewer words are stronger words

First, saying “he or she” can come across as too formal (you’re not a legal document; you’re just somebody chatting with your friend or boss), or worse: pretentious. If your use of language creates a barrier between you and your audience, it doesn’t matter whether you’re technically right. What matters is how it affects your audience’s perception of you and your ability to connect with them. Will they be impressed by your proper but cumbersome pronoun usage? Possibly. Or will they be turned off by your subtly pedantic tone? Possibly.

The other problem with going the “he or she” route comes from a principle I write about often. By saying “him or her” instead of “them,” you’d be adding two extra words that don’t contribute to your message. Your audience probably already knows what you mean, so adding unnecessary words is a misdemeanor against brevity and effective language.

Some traditionalists will resist the singular use of “they.” Merriam-Webster may declare a word to have a certain meaning; that doesn’t mean we all have to agree (I still distrust any dictionary that considers “literally” to be an acceptable synonym for “figuratively”). However, this expanded role of a common pronoun is a step forward for the language, and for every speaker and writer, whoever they are.

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